3 Steps For Rekindling Fading Love In Your Relationship
By Ray Doktor, Psy. D.
Do you feel like your relationship lacks the love that originally brought you together with your partner? Are you no longer affectionate and loving toward each other? Does the relationship feel stuck as if it is more about routines and getting through the day? What if I could give you three steps to rekindle love and to create more intimacy?
Step one: Clearing The Old Path And Asking Yourself The Right Questions:
The questions below are designed to get you clear on what you want NOW. If there is fear in exploring the raw truth, then the relationship doesn’t have a healthy foundation to flourish and plant new seeds. We cannot create new positive experiences if we are clinging to the past or what we fear could happen tomorrow. True love cannot be threatened.
1) How does my partner honestly feel about this relationship and can I handle his/her truth?
2) Are there any blocks or past issues that you haven’t resolved with your partner?
3) Could you share exactly the ideal relationship you would like to have with your partner NOW?
4) Are you willing to let go of issues that happened in the past?
Couples often fall in love unconsciously rather than consciously choosing exactly what they want. In other words, they create relationships including problems from what they benignly witnessed with their parents, culture, and media. Two individuals enter a union together without healthy communication skills, problem-solving techniques, and an agreement that the relationship and them as individuals will change. A relationship needs constant checking in to truly feel how each other are doing.
Step two: surrendering to love
Sit with your backs up together so you cannot see each other’s faces. Your backs will be pressed up against each other. Imagine that you only have 10-minutes to share as if the world were going to end. Each partner shares from their heart their feelings and love toward his/her partner. Keep it simple and short without talking about what was wrong but what is important to you both NOW.
Step three: co-creating new love
Turn around and look into each other’s eyes without looking away or allowing any other distractions enter your sacred space. Now imagine if you were given a second chance to co-create a new loving relationship, what would that look like? Be visual, connect to feelings, and describe the experiences in details. Remember, you both discovered each other before when you first met. This is an opportunity to rediscover your partner with an open heart and love.
Every couple has their unique thumbprint. There could be deeper seeded issues. The couple might need further support. These questions and techniques are to elicit the authentic YOU. The exercises are intimate and sometimes uncomfortable. However, the goal is to break through the discomfort and get back to the true YOU. We can only love what is real. Rekindling love is about surrendering the old and inviting in the new. If it is new love you truly desire, what are you hanging onto?