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5 Tips On How To Create Deeper Connection

5 Tips On How To Create Deeper Connection

By on Mar 16, 2014 in Challenges with Dating, Communication, Inexperienced/don't know what to do, Intimacy/Connection, Loss of passion, Pre-marriage/new couples challenges, Sexuality, Wholeminds Relationship Advice Blog | 0 comments

By Ray Doktor, Psy. D.


Do you really think you are ready for a deeper connection? Would you be willing to surrender anything to experience that with a lover or friend? Are you sure about that?

If you said YES, then let’s jump in!

I have experienced deeper connections with people I have met just for a few minutes rather than some people that I have known for awhile. What I have learned is that connection has nothing to do with time but how we show up and what we offer to another. This doesn’t mean that a person who is highly emotional and expressing herself is creating a deeper connection. In fact, she could be self-absorbed in her sharing and not connecting to the person she is talking to.

So what is a deeper connection and how do we achieve it?

Creating a deeper connection is a level of surrendering and invitation to the heart. It’s letting go of preconceived notions about the other person and where the conversation should go. For example, you might meet a stranger at a bus stop when you are tired, hungry; and because you have no expectations, you experience a beautiful heartfelt, deep connection with this person. In other words, you need to be present and really feel into the person, the situation, and what is in your heart. Sometimes we hold back because we do not want to be judged. We might have an agenda to get something from the person. We might just allow the other person to talk because we think that is safer, when the other person is actually feeding off of our participation. Going deep means participating equally and entering to whatever comes up. This includes anger or sadness and BEING with what is without trying to control it.

Here are 5 simple tips to remember when connecting with others:

  • Be with him/her completely without checking your phone, or thinking about where you’ve got to be, or the past, or where the conversation should go.
  • Be aware of your breath when communicating and imagine a line connecting from your heart to his/hers.
  • Practice being in silence at least 20 minutes a day such as meditating, walking, sitting in your car, or when you take a bath. The more you get comfortable with the stillness, the less clutter you have in your head when you are connecting with others.
  • Write in a journal to get more in touch with your emotions. Allow everything just to flow.
  • If you are with an intimate partner, try looking at each in the eyes other for at least 10 minutes without saying anything. Focus on your breath and heart space.


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