Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Brentwood Relationship Counseling

How Are Men And Women’s Wants And Desires Different?

How Are Men And Women’s Wants And Desires Different?

By on Jan 14, 2014 in Challenges with Dating, Communication, Fear of losing yourself in a relationship, Intimacy/Connection, Loss of passion, Past Unresolved Problem, Pre-marriage/new couples challenges, Sexuality, Uncertainty about what you want in relationship, Wholeminds Relationship Advice Blog | 0 comments

by Ray Doktor, Psy. D.


Women are inundated by men asking them out. If they keep attracting the wrong type of man, they need to work on their filtering system. Men need to work on themselves to improve their approach. It is important to see how men and women process feelings and experiences differently including how they assess their potential mate. Here are some examples demonstrating how men and women approach relationships and connecting differently.

There isn’t a magic pick-up line or protocol that works for every man or woman. These are just generalizations. However, there are a few simple guides to understanding how men and women process information and are attracted to different qualities.

Understand how women are different

1) Women in general are more intuitive than men. They can sense you before you even walk up to them.
2) Women are more sensitive and emotional, so if you haven’t built a rapport with them, anything can change in a moment.
3) Most women are not looking for a one-night-stand. You are being tested and evaluated regardless of how casual the encounter seems. Regardless whether if they are able to get pregnant or not, they are biologically wired not to sleep with the village idiot because they can get pregnant.
4) Female sexual turn-on begins in the brain but only with parts of the brain deactivated such as the amygdala so impulses can reach the pleasure centers. This is why TRUST is so important.
5) Relationships and connecting with people rules most women’s hearts. Women do not fear tension and will invest more time into a relationship regardless of how significant the other person is.
6) If connected to their true feminine essence, most women do not want to be in control. They do not need to be right if they feel cherished. It is innate for them to want to be protected and guided by healthy masculine presence.

What are women attracted to and desire in men?

1) The number one attraction for women is strength. Strength can take the form of stability, protection, or being a standup guy. You can exhibit strength regardless of how much money you make.
2) How you set your stage before you approach a woman has a lot to do with whether or not she will be attracted to you. In other words, if you are nervous or desperate, more than likely the outcome will not be to your liking.
3) Women want to feel something beyond the surface, even in a brief conversation. You will only be memorable if you create some emotional spark.
4) She needs to be able to trust your navigating skills. Are you the captain of your own ship? Are you clear with your direction in life?
5) You cannot be more emotional than her unless you prefer to be the most feminine character and her be the masculine character. She must not feel like you need her. Women want to feel the presence of a man, not a boy.

Understand how men are different

1) Men prefer less distractions, drama, and emotional transactions that could deter them from their goals. The more difficult you make it for them, typically the less interested they might become.
2) Men are more logical. They think about things more than connecting the experience to emotions. When you say things, they hear you literally. They might pay attention more to your words rather than what you are feeling in that moment.
3) Men are also looking for the “one” but could have emotionless sex with a woman they just met.
4) Men have a sexual pursuit area in the brain that is 2.5 times larger than the equivalent in the female brain. A man can become sexually aroused without any conversation. Men’s brains are geared toward assessing potential mates by visually seeing if they are healthy.
5) Having a good career, a clear path, and organized life is what empowers men. Men fear losing their direction being involved in interpersonal relationships that evoke emotions.
6) If connected to their true masculine nature, most men want to be in control. They want to be right and in charge of things. They feel their best when they can fix or help things.

What are men attracted to and desire in women?

1) Men (masculine men) are attracted to women who offer a variety of feminine energy. It could be construed as beauty, movement, voice, playfulness, gentleness, and creativity. Your career, money, or intellect is not as important as than the light that you bring into his life.
2) If you appear too busy you might not be approached. If you are not smiling inside it will project that you are not approachable. Men seek light and all where they fall short in their own femininity.
3) If you are emitting energy that feels clingy or that you are lonely, you will attract your receptacle which is a man who is lost. Strong men are attracted to women who carry themselves as an expression of love rather than women who are seeking a lover to make them feel good about themselves.
4) One thing that will make you more attractive to men is relinquishing the masculine/determined approach to finding “the one” but staying connected to love itself and the flow of life.
5) He wants to be appreciated by you. He needs to feel like the hero in some places in your life. He wants to feel like you possibly need (not clingy or desperate but to experience greater love) him in your life.


Photo Credit


Post a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *