How Do I Know If This Will Be A Long-term Relationship?
by Ray Doktor, Psy. D.
No one can honestly commit to another person that they will always be attracted to him, that they will never have feelings for another person, or that they will want to stay in the relationship. The best that anyone could promise another person is that she will stay committed to growth, communication, and understanding her lover.
There are people who have been married for 20 years because they are committed to the idea of marriage but there is no growth, change, or movement in the relationship. He might come home to a partner who is sad but doesn’t invest the time to support her. He figures that since they live together and that he is not having an affair, that he is committed to the relationship. However, he might be more committed to the “idea” versus engaging in conversations that could heal and enrich the relationship. This is why people often feel alone in relationships because they are more invested in the idea of marriage rather than the commitment to open communication and growth.
The real question is if you are committed to growth or an idea. When we become fixated with the idea we usually drag with us our old laundry, past disappointments, and unmet expectations that we hope the new person will fulfill. The best way to attract a long-term relationship is devoting a long-term relationship with your self and evolution. When you commit to yourself, your arsenal of relationship skills expands to handle situations and projections better. You develop better filtering tools and are better at attracting and selecting a potential long-term partner. When you invest in yourself, so will someone else!