Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Brentwood Relationship Counseling

Text Messaging Is Evil…Well Not Really, But…

Text Messaging Is Evil…Well Not Really, But…

By on Dec 4, 2013 in Challenges with Dating, Communication, Past Unresolved Problem, Wholeminds Relationship Advice Blog | 0 comments

by Ray Doktor

 

Do you believe what you feel and interpret from what you have read via text/email is the truth?

How many of you have gotten upset or thought a person was upset with you to find out that it wasn’t the truth.

Remember that what you feel is still your interpretation of the experience rather than what might be really going on.

When we have conversations with people in person, the information we process comes from 55% (their body language) 38% (their tonality) and 7% (the words that they are using).

This is why there is so much miscommunication through text/email. If you were fortunate enough to grow up before text/email became a popular form of communication, then you will probably remember not arguing so much regarding misinterpretations/semantics because majority of the conversations were in person or over the phone.

Here is a simple example:

We can be sarcastic and loving with each other which includes maybe saying “screw you John.” You might be implying that you love your friend and appreciate his humor. In person, you might be smiling and your tone is warm. John replies, “Well screw you too Margie” and you both laugh.

If you were to end a text/email with “screw you John” depending on John’s emotional state in that moment and how he filters information, he could come to these conclusions:

  1. Margie is rude.
  2. I did something wrong.
  3. I am never going to talk to her again.
  4. She doesn’t value my humor or opinions.

The reality is if you were in person, more than likely you both would have laughed.

So here is something to remember: If you are triggered via text/email, stay curious and just pick up the phone and call the person. Ask for clarity before jumping to conclusions. Find out the other person’s intentions. Most people don’t want to argue or be hurtful so ask for clarity

 

Photo Credit
https://www.flickr.com/photos/timothykrause/

License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Post a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *