The 3 Most important Phases to Attracting a Long Lasting Relationship
by Ray Doktor, Psy. D.
Enlightened relationships constantly fluctuate, moving through fear, comfort, and love. Some couples and individuals feel more comfortable staying in a safe relationship and/or are unconscious that they could experience more. There is a separation in Western culture where spirituality and sexuality meet. Below I describe the phases of development. The goal is not to stay in the third stage but just to be aware when we falter and fall back into fear or comfort. Becoming aware of the spiritual and growth aspects of the relationship keeps us from being stuck in the human drama.
First Stage: This is more primal and often times is in survival mode. There is a lot of victimizing or feeling like a victim (i.e. jealously, abandonment). This might be the macho man and submissive housewife relationship. Many of us slip into this stage when we fear change and feel out of control.
Second Stage: This stage is about internal balance within and with our partner. There isn’t a primal dependency in the relationship. This might be the woman who develops her own career and no longer depends on a man and a man who connects more to his feminine attributes. They form boundaries in the relationship to avoid conflict and to be equal partners. They respect each other’s space and might even have separate bank accounts to remain independent.
Third Stage: This stage is about sometimes trusting your partner’s consciousness more than yours when it comes to you. It’s about letting go of boundaries, judgments, and any fears about the relationship ending. It is when two people surrender for the sake of love, growth, and to allow their partner to unveil the chamber of their hearts, even if they are afraid. The couple is fully committed to truth, even if it were to hurt the other partner. They are constantly growing, challenging, loving, letting go, and surrendering to love.